4_26_23, im feeling better now

A bunch of half-baked failed connections together sometimes lead to a cool connection. It’s probably over but whatever

My professor today gave a long lecture about the value of liberal arts and humanites to end the semester, and it kind of bummed me out. At the same time though it reminded me of talking with mom and saying im not interested at all in productive activies. This made me feel a little better in the sense that perhaps ill be able to achieve some job which prioritizes the humanities, and if not then that job is not my life, for life is in the unprodutive hours of the day.

feeling a better about her too. she probably wont text me and i guess im fine with that. at this point ive accepted that as the future, and if im wrong thatd be great. there are other options out there for me apparently, but this experience has made me feek strange. On the one hand i have this sense of repetition and circling. Love in the spring that dissolves by the summer, just like last year. I think often we get stuck in cycles in life, although those cycles are different for each person. every spring is a time of new desires and feelings, and summers are the aftermath and reflection. I wonder if others have these cycles too. I'm still not sure why she doesnt want to see me anymore, but regardless i think that there are things about myself which need to change before i can truly be involved with someone in a meaningful sense. I'm not sure if she picked up on these things or not, or if simply she just started seeing an ex or someone new, but I know these things need to channge, im far to insecure, and i think if i had to go through an actual breakup i might literally die.

im not necessarily feeling hopeful, but rather calm and at rest. im not sure that i see positive developments in the future, but rather that it will be more of the same, and i guess i can handle the same, and i guess its really not that bad

i can really be such a baby sometimes

SOUS LES PAVES< LA PLAGE!! i think i better get what this means now

Il faut vivre avec ses temps