I feel pretty bad today. I wish i didnt but i do. I know i cant change her mind, and im glad she called me and told me, but I still feel bad. I think i believe her about anxiety but my mind doesnt seem to want me to. I know that there was something lacking between us and thats part of the reason why. I guess im not so sad about it as much as i am sad about the idea of it. I really thought maybe we could be together as silly as that is, and I guess it just wont work out. I shouldnt be bummed but i am. I feel like i cant move forward in any area of my life right now. I guess thats why im sad. While i liked her i think i maintained a healthy distance, but i wish we could have kept it going because I believed she could be my girlfriend and we could be happy. Even now I cant really accept that I wont see her again, i keep thinking maybe well get back together next year but i know we wont. I guess im more sad that i wont be able to more deeply connect with her, rather than being sad about not seeing her again. I think im more sad about losing any future i thought we might have had rather than losing her. I really thought me and her could work. Having nick not go through with housing also adds to this feeling. I cant tell what im supposed to do here, we barely hangout right now and i suspect that we wouldnt more if we lived together next year. at the same time though i really need anyone to be in contact with, and if i live alone off campus i wont have that. I kinda fucking hate my life right now. Not really but it just feels like i can never get past this point. Im always the 1-2 month guy either due to myself or them. I guess i'm not sure how im supposed to be feeling. Am I too sad over her not wanting to see me? or am i not sad enough? Is it wrong that i want her to be sad too? I know i cant change it but i just wish things didnt turn out this way, not even that i wish she didnt leave, but rather i just wish things didnt turn out this way. Maybe its good though, maybe i did avoid alot of fear and anxiety. see i cant tell if she's feeling the way i felt a week or two ago, and if so i get it. I guess im not so much sadthat things didnt work out, but rather that shes anxious and im anxious, and that even if we did work out that id be worrying, i guess im sad i have to live like this.

You were all looking at me and you could not tell I was so much less than the sum of my parts

WE ARE SO BACK BITCH I FEEL GOOD NOW

WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK HOLY SHIT, FEELING LIKE A MILLION STACKS. THIS SHIT ROCKS I AM FREE FROM ALL BOUNDS!! NOTHING IS HOLDING ME BACK ANYMORE FOR I AM GUILTLESS AND GLEEFUL. I AM FREE