I think im through it now, but im not sure. Im really glad i decided to write things on this website as it allows me to keep track of where im at. Im realizing now that at any given point how i was feeling was not really that related to her all that much. there were some points, but ultimately throughouyt i was worried and concerned. I think shes seeing other men now, and good for her i guess. I wish she would unfollow me on spotify, for it feels in some way like shes got me on the back burner. I think if she texted me i might say no honestly. Not necessarily because my opinion of her has changed that much, because im not sure it has, but rather that being pushed in and out of that state of infatuation has allowed me to more objectively view things. I guess im glad that we shared the moments we did, but would creating more really make me happier? im not so sure. that moment has simply passed as well. Its like when you need to take a shit and dont, it becomes a lot harder to later. Ive also been thinking about the impacts people have on each other, and i guess that hers on me was really not that large at all, im largely the same person. Kia made me a better person, and in some ways is a role model for me, even if I didn't want to be with her and should have handeled that situation better and differently. Milan has made no such impact on me, I feel what ive gained from this experience has come entirely within, and has little to nothing to do with her or the person she is. I guess i appreciate that she actually called me, but other than that i cant really say that she made a big impact in any regard. maybe the people we dont want to be with make bigger impacts on us, but im not really so sure, i think maybe its that she simply wasnt the person i wanted her to be, and maybe i have expectations which go unaddressed when i meet someone. I guess maybe the takeaway overall is that its difficult for me to truly find a person i would want to be with, even if finding a person who i would be ok with is easy